Lost Love Finds Truth

Photo by J. Wilder Bill

Holidays are a time for family and celebration, yet I find myself alone for the first time in my life. I grew up with planned festivities, including coordinating hand-sown dresses and new shoes for each of us to carry a them for that season. 

We’d gather with cousins, aunts, uncles and all manner of extended family for home cooked meals and outdoor activities. Watermelon was a staple, but it had to stay outside on the porch surrounded by orchids and dogwood trees. The dogs would run wild, and the cats hid under our lawn chairs. We might play with the hose, or ride the horses. 

Once our tummies were full and the conversation died down, we’d dress to go out to eat. Swimming and ball games were in order, and then we’d pick up fried chicken to take back to the house where we celebrated with cake and ice cream while lighting firecrackers.

My memories resemble many others, but somehow those with such festivities in their childhood sometimes feel lonely. By replaying the past, we can all feel comforted, but it doesn’t always override the sensation some consider to be their truth. 

The times I’ve felt lonely were oddly the moments I was needed by others the most. Very possibly, it is the pressure of others draining us of our energy that triggers our thoughts to demand more attention. A self-survival skill is to put ourselves first, before every ounce of energy we muster is spent and we are left with nothing. Our hearts, mind and soul gain a sensation of being abandoned.  

Many people feel abandoned. If you are one, know that every conclusion we make about our station in life is based on our perceptions. 

It could be that you remember the type of love you experienced before being here. Possibly, you feel abandoned by your “mother ship” even though you volunteered to have this life.

The love you know and remember from before you were born might not be remembered within your family. All the time, to keep my perceptions in check, I remind myself that I’m expecting souls inside human bodies to provide the same level and type of love I am accustomed to receiving from God.

While everyone has a loving heart as his center, oftentimes, our counterparts or people accompanying our lives are more tuned into their human survival skills, which tends to revolve around putting oneself first. It’s not that others don’t care or have left you, they merely have a glitch in their perceptions which makes whatever choices they’ve made seem to be in the best interest. The lacking element is their realizing which interest they are serving.

It would be like they are experiencing a stilted mental growth pattern, and they are unable to see how they have abandoned their natural form of love. Instead, they focus on immediate issues at hand, which seem to be critical under the earthly circumstances. Basically, when it comes down to it, I try not to judge another for putting himself first. It’s just how he’s programed to survive here.

I try not to search for the type of love I remember from God in the people I interact with here. Most likely, I too operate off of what I deem as best for me more than I realize. Probably, many times when I make choices I consider as best for others, I come across as being distant and self-serving. 

For instance, if you were taking care of a five year old, and the child felt it was important for her to have a certain toy that no one else is playing with. You would likely grab the toy and give it to the child, even though it is dinnertime and you are trying to provide nutrients to the child. 

You, as an adult, understand the child doesn’t require the toy, but you recognize that in the child’s mind, the toy is relevant to her to continue with her day. You most likely wouldn’t be angry or disappointed in the child, because you would be able to see that the child doesn’t have a full understanding of the need to consume nutrients, or that the reason the child feels uncomfortable is because she hasn’t eaten for several hours.

Just know that feeling abandoned is common, and that others out there feel bad that you feel this way. If you’ve ever left a dog, or even a child, and you see the look in his eyes, you know how painful it can be to you when someone you care about feels abandoned. 

Despite feeling left, typically, the child or pet manages to enjoy himself until you return. Certainly, the child or pet might’ve preferred to stay at home with you, but when you return you see he did survive and probably learned a few things about life due to your leaving temporarily.

Before being alone this holiday, I envisioned myself as being bored and restless. I assumed I’d feel dejected and unloved. To my surprise, the time is passing quickly. I’ve communicated with the people in my life more than usual. I’ve spent much of my time continuing to work on projects from before my quiet time and planning surprises for family. Sitting by myself has not made lonely. Now, I dread how long it will be before I have time to myself, again.

The reason I don’t feel abandoned when on my own is because I am still connected with family. Thinking of them and planning for them provides an interaction with them even though we aren’t sitting across from each other. Communicating with them via text and on the phone draws their spiritual aspects into my experience. It is the love, at what ever level is capable by those in my life, that fills my space without their physical presence. 

Note that any abandonment is temporary. Eventually, you will return to God Source and will realize you were never truly abandoned by what mattered most. Any similarity to being abandoned by people on Earth was in reality impossible since it was the God Source you wanted to remain connected with, and you remained connected all along. The truth is, none of us are ever without love, and love cannot be abandoned.

Peace and Many Blessings!!

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About JM Wilderbill

JM Wilderbill writes romance fantasy novels and motivational works. Her inspiration comes from traveling the world, soaking up sun rays on watery escapades, and seeking out vegan dishes in every culture to satisfy her love of purple foods. She lives among lush beaches with powdery sand and is surrounded by sloppy doggy kisses.